It’s the season when numerous parents throughout the United States watch their children depart for college or move out to begin their careers. According to experts, this separation can evoke a range of emotions for parents and caregivers, including sadness, sorrow, isolation, relief, and a sense of liberation, which may result in negative thoughts and actions.
They are the traditional indicators of what is referred to as “empty nest syndrome.”
Although it is not a medical diagnosis, it can lead to strong, lasting emotions that impact mental health, emotional wellness, and personal relationships. Professionals suggest recognizing shifting emotions, reestablishing connections with family and friends, and discovering new interests as methods to get ready for this change.
Here’s what experts say:
How empty nesters adapt
Parents and guardians may experience a variety of feelings throughout different phases of their children’s lives. However, specialists emphasize that the period when children leave home can be more emotionally challenging than the initial preschool drop-off, for instance. The uncertainty about when they will next see their children contributes to the emotional difficulty.
Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of the Gottman Institute, mentioned that no matter your connection to the children departing, it’s beneficial to develop relationships with individuals other than your children to fight against feelings of isolation. This is particularly crucial for single parents or caregivers, as well as those whose daily routines and schedules are centered around their children’s activities.
One of the most challenging aspects for parents whose children have left home is realizing that your kids require some distance,” she stated. “It might be difficult, but give your friend a call instead.
Diane Bergantinos, 45, mentioned that her friends have cautioned her about the difficulty of dropping her child off at school, but she is aware that she has a strong network of family and friends who can offer support when she needs it. Bergantinos, a new single parent based in Honolulu, Hawaii, states that she will be leaving in a week to assist her sole child in moving to Oregon for their studies.
It’s similar to having a family member who is ill. You’re aware their time is running out and you attempt to get ready mentally and emotionally, but you can’t truly prepare until it actually occurs,” she stated. “I’m simply trying to enjoy each moment, value the time I have left, and avoid focusing on the fact that he is departing.
Some people experience empty nest syndrome once their children move out, but the feelings can become intense even before the departure. Gottman suggests that if these emotions start to resemble signs of depression, it could be beneficial to consult a therapist or counselor.
Time to ‘date’ again
When you share parenting responsibilities, it’s probable that both individuals are feeling similar emotions, but specialists recommend discussing these common feelings with each other and, if necessary, seeking help from professionals.
Not all aspects of Mike Marlow and his wife, Barbara, were sorrowful. The pair in their 50s have experienced the departure of three children from their home in Flagstaff, Arizona, over the years.
“I recall Barb and I exchanging glances from our island in the kitchen, saying, ‘Hello!’” he mentioned, noting how grateful they are for sustaining a positive and joyful relationship throughout raising three children, who are now 29, 25, and 24 years old.
Gottman, who has worked with couples throughout the years, stated that the main issue empty nesters encounter is “Who are we?”
“There is something truly remarkable that can occur between couples. You have the opportunity to rediscover your partner and the love you hold for them. Now, if you have raised a child together from birth, there is a shared history filled with the challenges of parenting. You’ve experienced the anxieties, the aspirations, the dreams, and the joy,” she said.
Gottman mentioned that engaging in shared experiences can reignite intimacy in a manner that adults may not have been able to achieve when children were present.
Marlow mentioned that now that the children have left home, they’ve found time to reconnect and focus more on themselves, such as exercising more, traveling, and setting future goals.
It’s not all sad
“We pay a lot of attention to our well-being. We follow a schedule, exercise, play pickleball, and also have individual activities we focus on,” Marlow said.
Experts suggest that creating new habits and acquiring new interests are great methods for dealing with negative feelings associated with having an empty nest. Although many of these activities, particularly travel, rely on income, there are imaginative ways parents can utilize the additional time they now have.
Any place where you can connect with new people will be beneficial,” Gottman stated. “You’re not just losing your child, but also the network of parents from your children’s friends. Therefore, seek out group activities where you can meet more individuals, try an exercise class, a yoga session, a painting course, join a choir, and check if your partner is interested in participating in these activities together.
For Bergantinos, working will keep her occupied as a single mother, but she mentioned she intends to maintain a therapeutic hobby she began when her son was in high school: lei making.
I learned how to create ribbon leis because I knew his graduation was approaching,” she said. “In Hawaii, leis are given out for every significant event. So I chose to list it on Facebook Marketplace and see what would happen.
Never stop being parents
Some parents and caregivers experience the empty nest phase later in life if their children remain at home through college or their initial careers, particularly in households where multiple generations live together.
For the Marlows, the label of “empty nest” came and went as one of their children returned home when he began a part-time job in the same city, while another child enrolled at a nearby university just minutes from home. However, they mentioned that they understood they would remain involved in their children’s lives and continue to parent, even when their kids were away from home, with technology aiding in maintaining that connection.
“To this day, we remain very interested in their lives. We don’t wish to overstep but we want to be available to provide them with guidance, support, and recognition, among other things,” Marlow stated.
